What do Women Really Want from their Men? - Views ( 1844 )
What do Women Really Want from their Men?
Welcome to the What do Women Really Want from their Men? Blog Last modified 2018-03-07
What do Women Really Want from their Men?
What do Women Really Want from their Men?, Last Modified, 2018-03-07
What are the top things Women want from the Men in their lives?
It was the basis for a Hollywood movie and has baffled all men the world over ever since. And yet here I am, asking that age old question what do women want? Do I have it to give? and more to the point, am I willing to hand it over...
I don't know about you, but after watching that movie, I was none the wiser. I'm pretty sure it's not men who read minds and wear Nike trainers though.
Also as I get older I have noticed that different things appeal to women. Read on, it might surprise you.
Studies suggest the qualities women seek in romantic heterosexual relationships are on a par to what they seek in friendships. Whilst I do agree that any and all relationships are built upon some common qualities, like trust and liking, I'm not so sure that that's exactly what women want.
1. Women claim that they want a sensitive empathetic man, so why does the strong, masculine man always get the girl?
We read it all the time, women don't want partners who try to prove their strength. Women would rather lay down with men who treat them fairly and equitably. But is this really true? The statistics do not bear this out. Read: Brides.com
All the technology dating sites have invested in compatibility predictors, yet online dating has some of the worst results from a performance perspective. But of course, we can surely be sceptical when it comes to the real agenda, it is on keeping you on site, not matching you off and losing your custom...
But cynicism aside, the best algorithm to accurately gauge your compatibility is the chemical reaction that happens in your gut, when you meet the one.
The one, what a joke. Humans have evolved to reproduce, and if the one was not capable of producing offspring, the one, was gone. Step in the next one!
Human attraction is chemistry, real chemistry, no more no less. Personality clashes aside, if two people meet, they can bond, even if it is not a perfect one. Nature did not intend for long relationships, it designed us to bond, mate, and nurture the young. This is what accounts for the lack of love post the seven year mark.
It's just nature doing her thing. Her cruel, heart rendering thing. But we have evolved from the basic humans that roamed the earth as "Hunter Gatherers". We have evolved a higher brain. We know that long term relationships matter. That they are essential. Just consider the duration of a mortgage, 25 years! Yet few relationships out last the repayment period.
The reality is that most men do have what women want, for a while at least. So the problem then, seems to be, how to re imagine that initial chemical reaction at appropriate stages in the relationship, to prevent the somewhat inevitable, fading out, that likely will occur, to our relationship.
2. "Ditch or Do Over." As moral thinking higher evolved Humans, women and men face a moral dilemma, "Ditch or Do Over".
There is no point in attempting to ,"placate" your partner. (Read: Teal Swan). Pretending they are wonderful to their face, whilst inwardly withholding "that feeling", like you want to punch their lights out. That is not mutual respect. That is not fair and considerate love. That is contempt, of the ugliest variety. Women and dare I say it men, want respect, and that might sometimes require facing up to some ugly truths. So let's dish up the dirt, and consider the following:
Women want communication: Watching the footie, playing games, texting friends, hiding in the games room, garden shed, or the next new project, are all self defeating strategies to replace human communication. We are privileged to have so much yet the average teenager can barely communicate. We are growing a nation of men who will be technology dependent, and lack the basic skills to communicate on a human, visceral level. Men must learn to remove the distractions, and make the time to really listen to their women. This is going to become harder as we rely more on dopamine fuelled hits from TV and Social Media.
Women want to trust their men: The reality is we've all been burnt. We carry baggage and bare the scars of relationships failed and lost. We hide our true emotions, and dare I say it, our true intent. We think it pulls the wool over her eyes, but it does not. She wants and deserves the truth. But somehow we are unwilling to take the risk. We feel that she too is hiding something. We too lack trust. This is quite possibly not the simplistic jealousy that women often describe, but rather a primeval protection mechanism, dating to a time when male gorillas would mate with all the females in a group because innately he understood that female ape infidelity was also natures insurance policy for their young. Read: Josh Gabbatiss Why pairing up for life is hardly ever a good idea.
Women want authentic emotional honesty: Men do make mistakes, and we don't like to admit them. Yet coming clean about our mistakes, our short comings, and having the emotional maturity to own up to behaviours that would see our children relegated to The Naughty Step, is for men, just plain hard. Men can be creative when they want, especially when it comes to fabricating excuses. Women know that men actually believe the lies they tell themselves, and they do put up with the crap for a while, but eventually things give. The cracks appear and the whole damn house of cards collapses. Emotional honesty is what women want. So if you have more "Front" than Harrods, it's time to get real.
3. Does Your Woman Really Want "A Sensitive Man" or is she sprouting "Politically Correct" hyperbole?
We hear all the time, patience, consideration, empathy and true companionship are what women want. These are traits we all need to some extent, yet all the time we read stories about men who, at least on the surface, seem to be lacking in these highly prized sensitive qualities. These "in-sensitive" men seem to invariably hold onto their women. So what gives?
Women claim they need friendship, companionship and someone to talk to. But we see woman who get this leave for men who provide excitement and danger. Women might not always get the friendship they seek from their platonic relationships. We all need friends, but sometimes the close bond and trust that is required to share our most intimate problems can only really be provided by a partner. Women want men who can step up to the plate and into this "Friendship" role. But beware that your Friendship Role, doesn't become the Friendship Zone. She might mistake sensitivity for weakness.
Woman want men with emotional maturity: Men are quite naturally dominant, at least physically, Our dominant nature is never more present when we know we are wrong. It's human nature not to want to back down. Anthropologically speaking, the weak become dinner for the strong. Sometimes women will back men into a corner, and this can be when we assert our dominance, even when we should know better. Men need the emotional maturity skills to listen, think about the issue and "man the F... Up" when we get it wring. Women want emotional maturity in their men.
Women want active listeners: The traditional roles played in families today are so mixed up it's honestly hard to know who wears the skirt. Fact is, many a man is at home whilst his woman is bringing home the bacon, or vegan equivalent. Men must learn how to take on board the fact that issues which traditionally men may have had to face, are now the cause of real stress among women. It's all too easy to downplay the work life balance issues in the modern home, But women need their men to hear them out, understand and not automatically "know" the solution. Problems run deeper than the surface of the skin.
Victoria Mary Clarke found what she was looking for with singer songwriter and poet Shane MacGowan, whom she met at sixteen, eight years his junior. She wrote the biography, A Drink with Shane MacGowan. After an 11-year engagement, they married in November 2018 in Copenhagen. Like MacGowan, she is a fan of literature and music. She is also a yoga enthusiast.
4. Intimate Gratification With a sexual partner is what women want
She feels trapped in her life of monotonous everyday routine. One dull day merges into the next, each equally forgettable. As the months and years slide past, she wakes up one day to realise life has passed by, she's now a middle aged woman lacking the adventure her youthful self once craved. Women want a man who can add that sense of adventure. Women who don't get fulfilled are ten times as likely to seek it elsewhere.
Sexual deflation. In todays world women are often quoted as saying they need to stronger than men to be treated as equals. Consequently many women choose to juggle the demands of a high flying career, with child care arrangements, going to yoga, and satisfying her man and herself between the sheets. But there are times when she's going to be exhausted and all she really wants from her man is companionship.
Women need to be told that they are loved. It can be emotionally hard to accept the offer or expression of love from another person, it opens up our fears of former rejections and makes us feel vulnerable. Yet love is a primary need. Today the world can seem fickle, and emotional expressions arena more than politeness. In this self centred world of egotistical influencers how can anybody trust that love is real. Truth is they cannot. But women want to be told and to believe that they are loved.
Women want unconditional kindness. No woman wants to feel sexually indebted to her man. As humans we are hard wired to reciprocate favours. The coy among us have developed the art of getting what we want through carefully selected gifts and donations. In studies it has been found that a waiter or server who puts two mints on the plate with the restaurant bill, is likely to receive a 30% higher tip. That's six dollars on a $50 dollar meal, just for a worthless mint. Using such tactics in your relationship is disingenuous, and will likely backfire. You woman will not automatically want to trade sex in return for flowers, even the expensive ones. So whether a man gives something, be it doing the chores, making breakfast or gifting a brand new Ferrari or dream holiday, he has no automatic right to receive sex in return.
As David Attenborough highlighted in those wonderful Ape Mate programmes, the female apes where and are as sexually active as the males. Women enjoy sex as much as men, and they want to spice it up and switch it around. Women want men who make it fun, and not the same old repetitive routine. In exercise, a program needs to be replaced every few weeks or it stops delivering results, the fact is our bodies become used to it, they adapt, the stimulus is gone. The same can be said of sex. If it goes stale it fails to satisfy. Like eating the same meal each and every day, sure it provides the basic nutrition, but it's not complete, and certainly not enjoyable. There is nothing like experiencing something completely new, whether it's your first ever Thai Green Curry, or a Crusty French Loaf with melted Camembert. Same with the gym, the muscle stimulation the first time you try leg press, or reverse squats, Same with sex, the excitement of the those youthful experiences, and even more daring adult adventures.
To be in a partnership of equals. Women and all men want this to be in a partnership of equals. When you or your partner become dominant on all subjects, all of the time, by definition, this is not a partnership of equals, and your relationship is destined to suffer as a result.
Give women what they want: mutual understanding, respect and a set of shared values which can act as a scaffold upon which to build and strengthen your relationship. Women want Men who value them for more than their sex. We all deserve mutual understanding, respect and to be valued.
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